Words...words...words....

First of all, thank you Jesus that You are constantly there. What a wonderful comfort in this strange phase of life I'm finding myself in.

Tonight we had a small gathering of some of the older girls in the college/young adult group get together with girls from the youth group and just had a dessert and coffee fellowship..

How blessed was I by this sweet time of discussion....SO blessed. It's such a cool thing to hear from younger girls being soo strong in the Lord with all the junky stuff they face these days..

It was such an encouragement to know that the Lord is raising up young girls who are standing out for Him to make an influence in the world He's placed them in. It so makes me want to be a better example for them and for the people around me.

"May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing in your sight."
That will be my prayer whenever I wake up and throughout my day.


Also, I want to say a small word of appreciation for my dear friend Elisa. After my last post about wanting stability, she immediately texted me and said she wanted to have a weekly time of phone conversation. So glad God knows just what I need. Tonight we talked, not about anything in particular, but just talked about things going on. It was so sweet.

Here's what I think life should start looking like since my last post that was kind of rant-y and complain-y....

Making a priority of digging into God's word and really what it says about how my heart is supposed to look..
I'm now going to focus on all the positive..
Listening to people and truly praying the best for them.

Ah, the Lord is so good in the exact right times.

Cheers :)

Crazy huge changes and wanting the best

Well...big things are happening right now:

1. My sophomore year of college is coming to a quick and sudden close. I'm not quite sure if I'm ready to start my second to last year of college. YIKES!

2. I'm about to move out of my parents house for good. Scariness.

3. I'm about to move out of my parents house for good. AWESOME!

-The reason I put it twice is because it seems like two insanely different feelings for the same event. I'm terrified to actually be on my own and not have my parents to always be right there. On the flip side, it's gonna be such a cool time in my life that I'm really looking forward to. Such a contrast of emotions about this whole moving out business. I'm certainly praying for a peace about all of it.

Now...that's what's going on in my everyday life...and while I'm enjoying all of that...there is certainly something missing...and last night I realized what it was...stability. The reason I realized it specifically last night is because I was skyping with Karla for two hours. I miss having a constant confidant, an accountability partner living across the room and a true friend who is literally always there.

Ah. I'm in a strange stage of life right now. So many possibilities and opportunities.

Wanting

Well...let's get straight to the point...

I miss having someone living across the room from me who is constantly there to serve as a reminder of God's amazing compassion.

Basically, I miss Karla.

Here's what is on my mind right now.

I want...
-to hang out with Karla
-this school part of my life to be done
-to know who, when and where: Who "he" is, when I'm gonna be a mom, where I'm gonna live.
-my life to reflect all that I know God wants me to and not be so selfish and impatient.

Ahhhh life.

Cheers :)

Feelings of family, shortcomings and new opportunities...

Family: It is such a beautiful thing to see my dad's side of the family reuniting for this wonderful season of thanks. I couldn't imagine spending my break any other way than hanging out with my cousins, aunts and uncles. Most of all, I love how happy my immediate family unit is. Through death, sadness, happiness, laughter and love, I am constantly reminded of the obvious divine placement I've been given.

Shortcomings: Now, this isn't to be taken literally...as some of my faithful followers might take it. ;) However, I have been feeling a lot lately that I'm just not good enough. Not good enough academically, spiritually, physically, emotionally, relationally...and so on. I have been having a hard time expressing myself in a way that gets my point across without seeming whiny. I don't like complaining and I don't like people feeling sorry for me. I've been doing my best to seem like a hard-ass in every situation that has come my way this semester and that has been leading me to feeling like I will never be able to live up to what I see myself being. Eh, that was kinda emo...which is not me...I'm done with the "sad" stuff.

New opportunities: I got the chance to work with the Acteens at my church on a project they do every year. It was so much fun to be in a leadership role among girls who just two years ago, I was one. What a lovely blessing to see the girls grow so much. In a bigger picture of things, I have an opportunity next semester to make the most of life. To embrace new things, meet new people, impact lives, start a new job, invest in my future, travel...etc...there are so many things. I'm praying that I am a good steward of all these opportunities.

And lastly, even though I'm sure it won't amount to anything, I'm thankful for an old friend who randomly rekindled a friendship I cherish dearly.

This such a beautiful time of year :)

Cheers

Running, chasing and more running

Lately, I have been having a lot of dreams about running.

In some dreams, I'm not running anywhere in particular, but others I've got a very distinct destination.

Some involve me struggling terribly, like I've never run a day in my life and just can't find the air, energy or stamina to take another step...but in those dreams, I never stop.

On the completely flipped side, I have had dreams where I'm running and running and running without stopping or even really having a desire to stop. Before those dreams are over, more times than not, I've found a reason to stop. Either I've seen someone I want to stop and talk to or something catches my eye. The stop is never for very long, but most of the time it's long enough to make me not want to keep running.

Are these just random dreams about me running? Or is there some type of life application that needs to be pulled from them?

I have no idea. I wish I did know. However, I know these dreams have put an intense desire to start running again in my heart. Again, I have NO idea why. I was the girl in high school soccer who always complained about having to run. But now, I just always want to run. Everywhere I go. It's so strange.

As I'm writing this, the Holy Spirit is bringing up verses that are pretty applicable to these dreams and to my spiritual life in general right now.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:1-2

"Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize." 1 Corinthians 9:25-27

I don't know what all this really means for me at all. I so wish I did. Badly.
But I'm praying that God will reveal it all it His time.
Because right now I feel like I'm at a stand still and don't really know where to go...but wanting to get up and run full force somewhere. Strange place to be, huh?

I am, however, standing firm in the love that Jesus has for me and have been encouraged lately in knowing that His love for me is something that is never ever going to change.

So here's to running towards new goals, chasing after my Savior and more running.

Fast-lane and fermenting friendships

Cool title, huh? I thought so.

Allow me to explain:

God has been blessing my life with an abundance of beautiful friends lately.

Fast-lane friendships: So many brand new friends that are becoming very important to me, very quickly. It's such an amazing blessing to find friends that I can just tell are going to make a huge difference in my life. For the season of life I'm in at the moment, the Lord is really making it obvious the importance of these "fast-lane friendships", which I'm really grateful for. :)

Fermenting friendships: These are basically the people in my life that have been there for a while and the level of honesty and transparency we have reached is nothing like I've ever experienced before. It's so great to have friends that I can count on to be there no matter what. It's hard to put into words how lovely it is to have such seasoned and worn-in friends. Ah. :)

Yay for being joyous in the Lord.

My motto as of late, "The Lord is sovereign over all my junk" hallelujah

Cheers :)

Ragamuffin Gospel

"My deepest awareness of myself is that I am deeply loved by Jesus Christ and I have done nothing to earn it or deserve it." -Brennan Manning, "The Ragamuffin Gospel"

That quote, I think, is a good place to start off this post...

So, I'm in a major transition period right now in my spiritual life and it's kind of been a difficult thing. However, I've been learning a lot about myself and who God has made me to be.

The quote above is from a book that I picked up last week and have dived into head first. It is a book about learning to accept grace in it's simplest form. Which is proving to be a very hard concept to grasp. I have become so used to 'doing' things for the Lord instead of just accepting the fact that I can't. It's also difficult to grasp that God understands that I can't 'do' but still accepts me as the 'ragamuffin' I am.

But it's been super encouraging to have the support and accountability from my group of friends.

Morgan, Elisa, Kaity, Daniel and Evan are awesome and I couldn't ask for a better group of friends and prayer partners. I'm really excited about staying connected with them and seeing what God teaches them this year.

I'll end with another quote, hoping and praying it encourages someone's heart.

"There we are-the multitude who so wanted to be faithful, who at times got defeated, soiled by life, and bested by trials, wearing the bloodied garments of life's tribulations, but through it all clung to faith. My friends, if this is not good news to you, you have never understood the gospel of grace." -Brennan Manning, "The Ragamuffin Gospel"

Cheers :)