Feelings of family, shortcomings and new opportunities...

Family: It is such a beautiful thing to see my dad's side of the family reuniting for this wonderful season of thanks. I couldn't imagine spending my break any other way than hanging out with my cousins, aunts and uncles. Most of all, I love how happy my immediate family unit is. Through death, sadness, happiness, laughter and love, I am constantly reminded of the obvious divine placement I've been given.

Shortcomings: Now, this isn't to be taken literally...as some of my faithful followers might take it. ;) However, I have been feeling a lot lately that I'm just not good enough. Not good enough academically, spiritually, physically, emotionally, relationally...and so on. I have been having a hard time expressing myself in a way that gets my point across without seeming whiny. I don't like complaining and I don't like people feeling sorry for me. I've been doing my best to seem like a hard-ass in every situation that has come my way this semester and that has been leading me to feeling like I will never be able to live up to what I see myself being. Eh, that was kinda emo...which is not me...I'm done with the "sad" stuff.

New opportunities: I got the chance to work with the Acteens at my church on a project they do every year. It was so much fun to be in a leadership role among girls who just two years ago, I was one. What a lovely blessing to see the girls grow so much. In a bigger picture of things, I have an opportunity next semester to make the most of life. To embrace new things, meet new people, impact lives, start a new job, invest in my future, travel...etc...there are so many things. I'm praying that I am a good steward of all these opportunities.

And lastly, even though I'm sure it won't amount to anything, I'm thankful for an old friend who randomly rekindled a friendship I cherish dearly.

This such a beautiful time of year :)

Cheers

Running, chasing and more running

Lately, I have been having a lot of dreams about running.

In some dreams, I'm not running anywhere in particular, but others I've got a very distinct destination.

Some involve me struggling terribly, like I've never run a day in my life and just can't find the air, energy or stamina to take another step...but in those dreams, I never stop.

On the completely flipped side, I have had dreams where I'm running and running and running without stopping or even really having a desire to stop. Before those dreams are over, more times than not, I've found a reason to stop. Either I've seen someone I want to stop and talk to or something catches my eye. The stop is never for very long, but most of the time it's long enough to make me not want to keep running.

Are these just random dreams about me running? Or is there some type of life application that needs to be pulled from them?

I have no idea. I wish I did know. However, I know these dreams have put an intense desire to start running again in my heart. Again, I have NO idea why. I was the girl in high school soccer who always complained about having to run. But now, I just always want to run. Everywhere I go. It's so strange.

As I'm writing this, the Holy Spirit is bringing up verses that are pretty applicable to these dreams and to my spiritual life in general right now.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:1-2

"Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize." 1 Corinthians 9:25-27

I don't know what all this really means for me at all. I so wish I did. Badly.
But I'm praying that God will reveal it all it His time.
Because right now I feel like I'm at a stand still and don't really know where to go...but wanting to get up and run full force somewhere. Strange place to be, huh?

I am, however, standing firm in the love that Jesus has for me and have been encouraged lately in knowing that His love for me is something that is never ever going to change.

So here's to running towards new goals, chasing after my Savior and more running.

Fast-lane and fermenting friendships

Cool title, huh? I thought so.

Allow me to explain:

God has been blessing my life with an abundance of beautiful friends lately.

Fast-lane friendships: So many brand new friends that are becoming very important to me, very quickly. It's such an amazing blessing to find friends that I can just tell are going to make a huge difference in my life. For the season of life I'm in at the moment, the Lord is really making it obvious the importance of these "fast-lane friendships", which I'm really grateful for. :)

Fermenting friendships: These are basically the people in my life that have been there for a while and the level of honesty and transparency we have reached is nothing like I've ever experienced before. It's so great to have friends that I can count on to be there no matter what. It's hard to put into words how lovely it is to have such seasoned and worn-in friends. Ah. :)

Yay for being joyous in the Lord.

My motto as of late, "The Lord is sovereign over all my junk" hallelujah

Cheers :)

Ragamuffin Gospel

"My deepest awareness of myself is that I am deeply loved by Jesus Christ and I have done nothing to earn it or deserve it." -Brennan Manning, "The Ragamuffin Gospel"

That quote, I think, is a good place to start off this post...

So, I'm in a major transition period right now in my spiritual life and it's kind of been a difficult thing. However, I've been learning a lot about myself and who God has made me to be.

The quote above is from a book that I picked up last week and have dived into head first. It is a book about learning to accept grace in it's simplest form. Which is proving to be a very hard concept to grasp. I have become so used to 'doing' things for the Lord instead of just accepting the fact that I can't. It's also difficult to grasp that God understands that I can't 'do' but still accepts me as the 'ragamuffin' I am.

But it's been super encouraging to have the support and accountability from my group of friends.

Morgan, Elisa, Kaity, Daniel and Evan are awesome and I couldn't ask for a better group of friends and prayer partners. I'm really excited about staying connected with them and seeing what God teaches them this year.

I'll end with another quote, hoping and praying it encourages someone's heart.

"There we are-the multitude who so wanted to be faithful, who at times got defeated, soiled by life, and bested by trials, wearing the bloodied garments of life's tribulations, but through it all clung to faith. My friends, if this is not good news to you, you have never understood the gospel of grace." -Brennan Manning, "The Ragamuffin Gospel"

Cheers :)

Tear my walls down

This has been the longest week of my life everrr....

however...I'm finding out a lot about myself without even realizing it until after the fact.

I enjoy serving/helping people. Sure some are easier to deal with than others...but it still makes me happy to direct a person in the way to get to the church office or where to register for vacation bible school or walking a sweet little girl to her kindergarten class...

I've never really thought of myself as a helper because most of time I simply lack the patience to deal with people who don't see things my way...

God knows differently though. We were created with patience as a part of who we are. In Galatians 5:22-23 it says, "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control."

That means that God gave me a measure of patience when He made me. The only problem now is that I'm not living a life that helps display that patience.

Why wouldn't I take full advantage of all those free things He put in me? The kind of person that displays those attributes surely pleases the King. Isn't that what I want out of life? For Him to say that He is happy with the way I used the gifts He gave me? Yeah, that's all that matters.

Lately there have been some aspects my life that I know have pleased the Lord but there are WAY more that I know are completely unacceptable. The root of the whole problem? My complete and total stubbornness. It's crazy ridiculous how hard headed I am.

So my prayer is that God will begin to tear down the wall I've built up around my heart. A person recently said to me, "I sometimes hate praying for patience because I just know that's asking God to put me through a test that requires patience. And all I really want is just for him to give me that kind of patience He has." It certainly would be easier just to ask and *poof* it be there. But luckily our God is a teaching and disciplining God and wants us to learn how to deal with our humanness on our own.

Lord,
I need you like a hurricane to tear my walls down
If destruction is what I need, then I'll receive it Lord from Thee

Cheers :)

Oh what Love :)

So I have made the decision to major in Speech Pathology. I came to this conclusion because I love hearing people that have speech impediments talk. I just want them to talk all day just so I can listen to them. So I thought why not make a career out of helping people through their speech problems, right? Right! Well, it's sooo cool how God just makes it even more real to me that that's what I'm supposed to be doing when I'm least expecting it.

Today I went to my mom's work to pick up a check and we walked past a doctor who was kind of mumbling to himself. I kind of gave my mom a weird look because it was kind of odd. So she told me she would explain later. After we got her check and were walking back to the car, my mom explained to me that the doctor had a disorder that made him say any and everything he was thinking.

Woah!

I literally felt this crazy bubble of joy erupt in my heart when she said that! How cool is that?!?! He says everything he thinks and he can't control it because of something in his brain. That's so awesome.

Anywho, that's not entirely the point here. That eruption of joy it what matters here...I love feeling the passion God put in my heart for people with disorders like that. It's the most amazing feeling to know without a shadow of a doubt that I know that I'm heading the right way in God's will. Yeah, I'm not always perfect, in fact, I'm not anywhere close, but I have such a joy and a peace knowing that I'm right where I need to be.

Yay for life, joy, peace and the unending love of a Father who I know smiles down on me when such 'aha' moments happen.

Cheers :)

Enjoying good music

I am really appreciative of God's gift of music. It seems as though sometimes it's easier to say things through music and it sends a much more beautiful message. I'm recently thankful for Jimmy Needham's spoken word song Not Without Love. It's a powerful message of how we go from broken and alone to being a part of God's kingdom and how He so lovingly and freely took us in.

That's really all for today.
Thank God for refreshing my soul with music.

Cheers :)

God break my heart for what breaks Yours

Well this summer is the start of new things in my life and I can't wait to see how God plays them all out over the next year or so...however, I wanna just take a sec to highlight one major aspect of my life that hopefully won't ever change, no matter what. I reached a whole new level this past semester in my faith that opened my eyes to something I never realized before. The place where I'm at is not near as important as the condition of my heart. Dealing with the choices on where to move schools and what to major in was something that was way hard for me. It took a lot for me to realize that no matter where I'm physically at, God is going to be with me in spirit. How cool to know that even if I ended up in the rain forest of South America all alone, God would still be there to comfort, guide and protect me?! I think that in order to be completely content in where God places you, it's important to understand that He will never take you somewhere you can't handle being. He is all-knowing and all-powerful and doesn't put us through things that would take us further from Him.
It's been such an encouragement looking at life through this new lens and I really am excited to see where God is weaving my path. I know it's not going to be easy, but I know without a doubt that my God, who is mighty to save and loves me with an endless love, will never ever leave me or forsake me. What a comfort.

So here's to starting new journeys and appreciating where I've come from.

Cheers :)